Reflecting on the routines needed when you can’t just hop in a car to see family, separated by an ocean in between.
I know this trip well. I have lost count on how many times I have done this, but enough to have a routine. To know how to get through German customs without too much stress. I know my way to the gate. I know where to fill my water bottle and where to get the best sandwich before the flight. When to put on my compression socks and when to get in line.
I recall specific flights that stand out more than others; the previous time flying back for our daughter’s wedding, the last time flying with our youngest to complete her university orientation, or the time when she and I lucked out with my husband’s business points and were able to sit in business class, side by side, watching movies and eating junk food the whole way across the ocean.
I loved our flights when there were 3 of us, our daughter by the window, me on the aisle, and my husband in the middle. A Daddy sandwich. Excitement was palpable between us, heading back to the U.S. either for the first time after moving or excited to spend time at our place in Door County.
All the others just blur together, enough to form my routine, my habits at the Frankfurt airport…trying to make this as pleasant an experience as possible. It is always a challenge when working through a language “speed bump” and cultural differences. A challenge to manage through any anxieties about flying or sore muscles, stiff necks and tired eyes coming from limited sleep.
Reflecting today as this could be my last flight back to the U.S. before we move back officially in the spring, after nearly 4 years of living abroad in Germany.
I can’t really wrap my mind around this yet as we have been living in such a state of unknowns, undetermined dates, uncertainty of locations. But we knew it was inevitable. This realization brings me right back to gratitude.
I know that this experience, living in Europe, is something that few are able to do. We really have been blessed with this opportunity. But it does come at a cost. Today, I am reflecting on the costs of an ocean in between us and our family. Grateful that I am able to do this, me and my routine, at the Frankfurt Flughafen.
When everything in life changes, it is tempting to run away. However, I have learned the importance of jumping right in and facing the uncomfortable.
There is no escaping adversity. The only way out is through.
Nathan Andres, Author of “Your REAL Life: Get Authentic, Be Resilient & Make It Count!”
“It really takes a year to feel comfortable here?”, a fellow parent from our daughter’s international school shockingly asked me recently on a group hike through the forest. Many of the women on our hike were new to Germany, moving here from other countries, some as recent as two weeks ago. “I have ten more months to go? Yikes”, she replied.
I responded to her saying that it took me about a year to feel like ‘I got this’ – ‘I can do this…and I can enjoy it’. Like I know how to do things finally. I can go to the post office and do everything in my limited German and leave without needing to hold back tears. I know how to find our favorite foods at the grocery store without referring to Google Translate on my phone. I can navigate to (almost) anywhere in Europe on a train (and survive cancellations and delays…saving that for a future blog). I shared with her that it is different for everyone, but people go through different transitions when they live abroad, from the ‘honeymoon’ period to periods of sadness and frustration. I have been told by school counselors that it is normal. It’s expected. It will get better. When I returned to Germany after being in the US this summer, I was surprised to be happy to be ‘back home’. That is when I felt like I had turned a corner.
In June 2023, we passed our one year anniversary of living in Germany, which started my reflection on our move transition. Thank you Facebook for the reminders of all that was going on a year ago; the stress, the excitement, the confusion, the unknown. How could I forget? I have continued to reflect over these past few months on how did I get to this new, more stable emotional state. I can boil it down to three words:
Embrace the Uncomfortable.
Moving internationally is definitely not for everyone. One has to be ok with change, with having not just a new home to live in, but every aspect of one’s life changing. When everything in life is changing, it can be easy to want to just stay indoors. Isolate. Just get through. But, I did what I knew best to do: find a routine that is healthy both emotionally, physically, and spiritually, surround myself with people, and follow my passions, even if that is not an easy thing to do. I needed to be ok with the uncomfortable and to be vulnerable.
I knew that in order for me to be part of my new community, which is a core value of mine, I needed to speak the language. But learning German is not easy – especially at my age. I have dedicated daily time for the last year (and more) to learning German in some fashion, from Duolingo and other apps, to in-person classes to listening to German music and podcasts. Even after all this investment though, my speaking of German is where I am most vulnerable and uncomfortable. It is where I have had to put myself out there and be ok to not be correct. To not be understood. To fail at finding the right words. However, it is through our failures, where we learn and grow the most.
This summer, I was invited to be the singer for an 8 week Christian course that was hosted in a nearby community. This was only possible because of the relationships that I had built with local Germans, all while leaning in and continuing to sit and function in my discomfort of not being fluent in German, but putting myself out there anyway. These wonderful people new to me valued my gift of singing…over my gift of speaking Deutsch.
As the course began, it was there that I had met a new challenge in German: conversation during a German dinner. I never struggle with small talk in English; I am a marathoner in terms of small talk. However, each week at this course, we shared a meal together before the lecture and music. Having limited German and lots of stories that you want to share with others, that is a very humbling experience.
Each week, I would begin to panic as I sat down to eat at the table with others. Panic from the silence of a German dinner conversation as opposed to a loud, engaging conversation among Americans that was all in English. Panic because all I remembered was “Wo wohnst du?” (where do you live?). Panic because when people started speaking to me in German, I would freeze and not know how to respond. I learned how to be ok with sitting in silence, listening, and humbly sharing “Ich verstehe nicht” (I don’t understand).
But I kept coming back each week. I had made a commitment to learning songs in German and sharing music with them. I made an internal commitment to myself that I would learn only by being there, being part of the conversation, and listening to the lecture. Picking out the words that I did not know. Sharing any words that I did.
My American Chili that I made for the community potluck, our last gathering where I was the singer. I toned down the spice for my German friends and it was all gone in a matter of minutes.
Because I continued to lean in and be ok with discomfort, over the past months, I have been invited to further musical opportunities and groups to share my gift of singing with others. We don’t always understand each other, but music speaks one language. Through music, we all are one.
Mein Deutsch ist immer noch nicht so toll (my German is still not great), but I feel like I have survived the roughest waters in crossing this raging river. I can feel the calmer waters surrounding my feet and see dry land on the other side. I am surrounded by a community of people from so many countries, Germany and around the world, that I am confident that in this second year, I can not just ‘make it’ or ‘survive’, but I can thrive.
Embracing the uncomfortable: My photo was the winner of our town’s marketing contest and the photo that I took was put on the town beer coasters this year. I even was able to meet the mayor during the official presentation. I shared how thankful I was to be part of this new community…in German.
Embracing Second Half Wonders 